We want everyone in our community to know they’re loved and supported, especially in the saddest of times.

This is for anyone and everyone in our community, those of Christian faith, those of other faiths and those with no faith.  All are welcome.

These videos are designed to be helpful to members of our community living with loss and bereavement.

There are lots of different kinds of loss – lifestyle, identity, relationship, and most seriously people we know or love who have died.

I’m sorry we can’t be together.

But you are loved and being prayed for. Be in touch with us via the contacts page of this website.

Whilst we hope this page is helpful, we can’t say everything here. So please do be in touch.

Be kind and gentle to others and yourself. We’re all different.

Family and friends may behave very differently, weirdly. Be extra patient. This is normal and it won’t last forever.

It will change. It won’t be fixed, but it will change.

Day by day.

People may tell you what you ‘should’ be feeling at various stages. But, you will only ever be able to take this at your own pace. There are no rules for this.

In the meantime, you are loved by us and we are praying for you and your loved ones, and those who have died. Be in touch for chat.

There are no shortcuts to grief, I’m afraid.

Don’t worry, it’s very normal to feel: guilty, weird things, nothing at all, feel like your feelings are inappropriate. It’s normal to feel afraid of the future, and feel empty, too.

Grief can catch you suddenly for no reason. This is normal.

Grief is especially hard at the moment, because of the effects of the lockdown. Be even more patient, gentle and kind to yourself and others.

Grief can affect our physical bodies too. It’s normal for your stomach to feel weird, to get headaches, for your skin break out in spots, to feel achy. It’s normal for your memory, emotions, mood swings, and ability to concentrate/be productive to be negatively affected.

It’s normal for things you used to love doing or watching or eating etc to feel empty. Don’t worry, your enjoyment of them will come back in its own time.

With all these feelings (and many others you may be feeling):

Notice them. Say to yourself, ‘ahh. That’s what’s happening’. You’re feeling this loss because you loved. That love is GOOD. Love is good. Love is why we’re here. Your grief is because you loved. We don’t grieve for things and people we didn’t love. Grief is the cost of love. And Love is good. So even with that pain, see it for what it is: love. Love continuing, love at work. And remember why you loved and still love that person. And eventually, in time, you may come to smile and enjoy this love again, even though they can’t be here.

You will probably feel some of these things I’ve said and not others. Some now, some later, some in the years to come. All this is normal and ok, it’s just part of living with grief.

Have something to occupy you. At least one thing each day to give your life structure. This helps, it’s not a fix, but it’s a helpful tool.

Normally, we would have gone into church from school. We would have had a still and quiet moment, had some time just to process this, and maybe light a candle and pray. Perhaps you could do a mini church service at home? There are some good resources in the link at the bottom of this page for that.

Talking, sharing memories, laughing and being sad all within one conversation. There is no way you ‘should’ be grieving. Talk about how you’re feeling honestly. Email me or your form tutor/pastoral head of year to say you’d like to chat, or think it might be helpful. We can help. It may not be about anything in particular. Just talking to somebody who cares for you and is completely non-judgmental (like me and your teachers) can help.

Exercise. Milky drink before bed. Sleep and exercise are really important. Keep to sensible sleeping and waking hours/timings.

Notice how you’re feeling. Step back and see your emotions and thoughts – like you might see pieces moving across a board game board. ‘ahh. I’m behaving like this, because I’m feeling this, because…’ It doesn’t make it all go away, but it helps us to take a step back and get a clearer picture and a bit more awareness.

Death feels so strange and abnormal, like an unwelcome intrusion into our lives.

And yet death is part of life.

The body’s cells sometimes grow where they shouldn’t – that’s what we call cancer. Body parts get worn out or go wrong. Viruses exist in the world. But this feels like an external and wrong thing to us when we experience it.

To hope is to see the greater story. Hope does not take away the pain of separation – but helps us to see the bigger picture. The life we live now is precious and beautiful and real – but it isn’t all there is. We came from love and are headed back to love. This is our tenacious and true hope.

Jesus assures us of this. His death and Resurrection are the confident promise of life and love that is greater than our life now. It doesn’t take away the pain or separation of grief, but it puts it in context, and gives us hope. And always, our love goes on. Jesus shows us that love is stronger than death.

A Prayer for loved ones who have died, for ourselves and for each other. The Lord’s Prayer.

God’s blessing upon us all.

Peace be with you.

Here is a very good resource from the Roman Catholic Church for everyone to use, linked here. You can also find out more about the mental health support provided by our HCC by clicking the link below.